Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

Change part 2

I finished my last post by saying it wasn’t a biggie – all that change at once – but of course it was.

One of the biggest biggies is the decisions about what to take with you to your new place. You look in your cupboards and under the bed, and behind the laundry door and you think ‘what is all this stuff? Do I really need it?’

What do you take? What do you get rid of or give away/rehome/recycle? I have letters – handwritten ones – from my grandmothers dating back to the 1970s. I’ve carried them with me through the countless moves from NSW to Queensland to Tasmania to Victoria. Each time I pack up to move, I come across them and I get a little frisson of pleasure when I see them.

I have a basketball pennant from 1973 when I played in the Shoalhaven ABA Miniballer winter comp, my Year 12 highschool reference from 1983, and my acceptance letter from 1993 when I applied to university (plus my very first university student card).

My first ever student card from 1993

I have airmail letters from my sister who lived in England for a year in 1992 (apparently I made a tape for them – I’d just started working in radio so probably thought I was very professional!). I have a newspaper clipping from 1994 when I interviewed Jeanne Little and copies of run sheets from the Kick Arts show I used to do on community radio in Launceston in the early 2000s. I have a letter from the Tasmanian Department of Tourism, Parks, Heritage and the Arts thanking me for agreeing to be part of the media team for the Olympic Art event in 2004 which I wouldn’t have remembered if I hadn’t kept the letter. I have letters and cards from former students that bring back floods of memories.

I could throw them all away and no one else would be any the wiser. And I came very close to doing that yesterday when I found them again. But they are documents of a life. Of my life.

When my children are going through my things after I die, I’m sure they’ll ask, ‘why did Mum keep this … and this … and this?’ But I hope they’ll read some of those letters and cards and documents and get a better sense of the life I’ve lived.

One thing in particular I came across yesterday was the script of a speech I gave when I was involved with Toastmasters in the early 2000s. I started with a story of a bird I’d set free when I was five years old and finished with the story of setting myself free many years later. It was a cage of “you can’t” – you can’t go to university, you can’t go to work, you can’t make it without me, you can’t live outside this cage.

But what had been called stubbornness in my youth developed into an ocean of resilience. I believe that the bird I set free when I was five made it … that its resilience and determination to survive allowed it to enjoy its freedom … just as my resilience and determination have allowed me to.

So while lots of change at once is a biggie, I have an ocean of resilience and determination to help me weather it.

And I have documents of my life to remind me of that.

Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

Change

Change can be challenging. Not the small stuff like my Pop used to jiggle in his pocket, but the big stuff … location, house, lifestyle, job, hairstyle, friendship group … that kind of big stuff.

Doing one change at a time can be stressful. Have you ever been to the hairdresser and she suggests you have a fringe? The decision can be agonising and you’re under pressure to say yes or no and you don’t have anyone you know close by to advise you and you just do it and everyone says it looks great. And you realise that the decision was stressful but the outcome wasn’t. It’s just a hair cut. No biggie.

Doing more than one change at a time can be ultra stressful. Your hair starts to fall out, and your stomach is upset more often than not, and your legs ache and you snap yes please when your husband asks if you’d like a cup of tea rather than being polite about it, and your mind whirls at a million miles an hour all night or at least until 5:55am and then you fall into a deep sleep and don’t wake up until 7:30 and that means you’re late and the stress builds all over again and even more hair comes out and suddenly you don’t even want a cup of tea and you wonder what’s happening to you and you suddenly realise, three weeks later, that you’re stressed because there’s too much change happening all at once.

Please tell me it’s not just me.

We bought a house. We sold a house. We ended our lease on a place we’d lived in longer than we’d ever lived anywhere. I got a job. I completed a Cert IV in Real Estate Practice. I commuted three hours a day for a month. We packed. We moved. We unpacked*.

Change of job – in a whole new field (so much to learn).

Change of house – no stairs, a garden, loads more room (so much to arrange*).

Change of location – out of the city (so many places to explore).

Change of friendship group – no more U3A photography group, no more U3A reading group, no more baby cuddling, no more oldies at Tech Tip Tuesday (yet to be replaced).

Lots of change.

Lots of stress.

And then you search for something and find something else instead, and the something else you find is so interesting you sit on the bed in the spare room and read it and your mind goes back all those years and you understand afresh that it’s just a new job (and a new house, and a new location) and you’ve done it all before.

It’s just change. No biggie.


* thanks to Emma, but that’s another story

Posted in Learning, Teaching

On kindness as a pedagogical practice

Katrina just didn’t get it. To be quite honest, I don’t think a lot of us got it, but Mrs Jeffries had Katrina in her sights.

“Do you know what a stunned mullet looks like Katrina?”

“No, Mrs Jeffries” Katrina said quietly.

“Go and have a look in the mirror”.

Mrs Jeffies was unkind. It seemed to my 14 year-old self that she was deliberately unkind. That she knew she was being unkind, and made a decision to say that hurtful thing anyway. Katrina was a studious girl, who rarely spoke in class. She was not ever a trouble maker, she didn’t answer back, was never sent out of class, didn’t have things like “could do better” written on her school reports. She was a ‘good’ girl.

Yet, still, Mrs Jeffries was unkind. I wonder if she’s reflected on that moment since. Does she even remember it, as I do, almost 50 years later? It’s quite possibly a question I will never know the answer to.

I think back over my own teaching career and wonder if I was ever deliberately unkind. Did I say things to my students as hurtful as Mrs Jeffries had said? That’s a question I don’t think I want to know the answer to.

Saying mean things, being as deliberately unkind as that maths teacher was all those years ago, is one way of being unkind. But there are plenty of other ways. And I’m sure I was unkind in my teaching in ways that went beyond saying hurtful things to students.

An example springs immediately to mind: I asked Rochelle and Louise to leave class one day when they admitted they hadn’t prepared for it. They were in their final year of university, about to head into the world of teaching, and in that moment I felt it was disrespectful and unprofessional to come to class unprepared. The other students in the class thought me unkind. In fact, they didn’t just think it, they told me.

I scour my bookshelves and see the familiar titles. Titles such as The students are watching, Teaching toward freedom, Happiness and education, The challenge to care in school, The schools our children deserve, 12 characteristics of effective teachers and I think about the ethical and moral issues underpinning teaching. And I think about kindness.

What is kindness in teaching? How is it enacted? Is kindness the same as being nice? Or soft? Or caring? Is kindness possible within institutions that are unkind, that have unkind structures and unkind policies? Can an individual teacher’s kindness ameliorate unkind policies, processes and systems?

These are questions my colleague Dr Airdre Grant and I explore in our forthcoming book, Enacting a pedagogy of kindness: A guide for practitioners in higher education, to be published by Routledge next year. We have invited contributions from academic leaders, those involved in curriculum design, learning design, assessment, and teaching. How do those working in higher ed enact kindness in their teaching, in the way they design assessments, in the ways they lead their institution, in curriculum design, in the ways they work with colleagues?

One contributor writes that:

I always thought I would be kind. The brutal editing on my first publication had been so confronting that I determined to hold to the memory of this experience … I would never forget how even the kindest criticism can shatter an author’s confidence.

Despite this I still upset many students. It seemed to be part of the job description.

Another writes that building trust in the classroom is an act of kindness:

Through simple, yet intentional, acts of humanizing my students, such as learning what makes them unique or being interested in what is going on in their lives outside of our class, my students learn not only to trust me but also to trust each other. 

As we saw, Mrs Jeffries was unkind, but unkindness in teaching can come in many forms, one of which is deficit thinking. In one chapter, the authors write that:

Coddling is a form of deficit thinking that sustains the belief that non-white students are inherently less capable or have less potential than their white peers (Foster, 1998). White teachers may engage in coddling behaviour when they lower their expectations of non-white students and shield them from challenges that they perceive as being too difficult.

This is true of other marginalised groups as well, as I found during my time as a secondary school teacher. The low-socioeconomic suburb in which the school was situated, was characterised by inter-generational un/under-employment, domestic violence, drug abuse, and poor schooling outcomes, all of which had an impact on the students and the ways teachers thought about them, and subsequently taught them. These were ‘poor’ kids, whose ‘mothers had children to multiple fathers’; kids who had ‘little to look forward to’; kids who ‘would turn out to be the same kind of no-hoper their parents and grandparents were’. Often they were children who were abused and neglected, who came to school hungry and tired.

These children had one thing else in common … teachers who judged them. Teachers who were unkind. Teachers who told them there was no point in studying “academic” subjects because they wouldn’t be capable, and really, why would they bother when they weren’t going to use academic skills anyway. These were students whose teachers had low expectations of them, who thought of them as what they didn’t have rather than what they did. It’s a different form of coddling … but it’s still ultimately unkind.

To begin to think differently as a teacher requires a shift in attitude. Kindness is a deliberate action, which is not without challenge, as one contributor writes:

I have found kindness requires a delicate balance of compassion and courage, a balance that is near impossible to predetermine as it’s affected by so many variables. Assessment design, underpinned by a compassionate outlook, can help by engineering moments of human connection. Attending class then, becomes not simply about passing the assessment but can lead to the development of a sense of community, built around assessment as a shared experience. 

Kindness can also be used deliberately to underpin institutional teaching frameworks which then informs practice, as one contributor notes:

Between mid 2019 and early 2020, we planned and implemented a whole-of-institution process of reflection, discussion, and critique aimed at identifying and codifying the values, dispositions, and practices that best captured what was at the core of our teaching approach. This process relied upon several assumptions … the first of which was that we should start with students. I felt that student voice would serve to unify our purpose and give our staff something concrete to engage with. Through focus groups and surveys, all students had the opportunity to tell us what makes a great teacher, and to identify the things that were important to them as learners. Synthesising their responses provided a series of ‘provocations’ that teachers were then invited to respond to – statements such as “a great teacher knows what I want, and what I am afraid of”, and “a great teacher makes me feel safe to be myself”. 


I didn’t ever intend to be unkind in my teaching, but I don’t know that I ever explicitly thought about kindness either, despite the books on my shelves about caring, happiness, and the ethical and moral issues underpinning teaching. It’s like Cate Denial said, “kindness is something most of us aspire toward as people, but not something we necessarily think of as central to teaching” (Denial, 2019, para. 6).

If you’re a teacher, in what ways do you enact kindness in your practic, in your day-to-day interactions with students , in the ways you talk about (and think about) students, in your assessment practice, in the ways you make desisions about what to teach the students in front of you now (as opposed to what you taught the Grade 3s, or 9s, or second year university students last year/term/decade)? And just as importantly, in what ways are you kind to yourself?

Cate Denial says that “kindness is a discipline, not a feeling”.

I imagine I’d have remembered more about the maths in my Grade 9 maths class if Mrs Jeffries had had the discipline to be kind … instead, all I can remember is the unkind.

What will your students remember?

Posted in Photography

Macro Project #1: Magnifying Glass

Some time ago, I gifted Tim the book 52 Assignments: Street Photography and he’s been sharing his work on his blog if you want to check it out. His latest entry is about layers, although not of the kind we need at the moment, given the cold air crossing the southern part of Australia.

Just last week, Tim gifted me the book 52 Assignments: Macro Photography. I like the idea of regularly working on a project as it gives me a different purpose for taking photos, provides me with a challenge, and extends my skills.

The first project is ‘Magnified’. David Taylor, the author, writes that “there are a variety of inexpensive ways to try out macro photography … the simplest method is to hold a magnifying glass in front of a non-macro lens. The results are usually far from perfect”, he assures me, as “the images are rarely pin-sharp, and often suffer from chromatic aberrations and distortions”.

This morning I headed up to the local office supply shop and found a magnifying glass – two actually. A proper one and a big chunky green one designed for kids. I had seen a flower through the kitchen window this morning and thought it would make a good subject.

I played around and took lots of really terrible shots – I was almost convinced it is not “the simplest method” – but the longer I experimented, the more comfortable I became with the camera in one hand, and the magnifying glass in the other. I tried a variety of lenses, as suggested, and found, to my complete surprise, that the 28mm lens worked best. For one thing, my arm was long enough – the lens was able to focus more closely to the subject than some other lenses I tried. The 85mm was a complete shambles, but still, it was good learning.

Here are five of the shots I think are worth sharing.

If you have a camera and a magnifying glass, give it a shot! It’s a fun project and a good one for staying warm as we head into winter.

Posted in Melbourne, Photography

A photo challenge: After Dark

Once again I decided to join Tim for another of the assignments in the book 52 Assignments: Street Photography by Brian Lloyd Duckett.

The assignment this time was to go out after dark and produce a series of nine images, all focusing on a shared theme or idea.

My theme was neon lights and I was quite pleasantly surprised to find so many in our local shopping strip.

Here’s my set of nine images.

Posted in Photography

A photo challenge: No viewfinder day

Some time ago Tim started a street photography challenge and is posting his images in his blog.

As he was heading out this morning he asked if I’d like to join him. Street photography is not really my thing, but I thought ‘why not’.

This week’s task was “to spend half a day taking photos without using your viewfinder or the back of your camera. Just stick the camera out in front of you and see what happens.” [I just took that straight from Tim’s blog!] It’s what photographer Mark Cohen calls “grab shots” and it was something completely new to me – not the way I generally take photos.

We spent an hour or so wondering along Glenferrie Rd in Malvern and I have to admit that it was really fun. I was using a camera I hadn’t used before, but part of the brief was to have the camera set up in a particular way and that made it easier. I didn’t have to think about aperture or shutter speed or focal point. I obviously need a lot of work on getting this style ‘right’ but it was a fun project to do.

I’m always amazed at how Tim and I can shoot in the same place and come back with very different images.

Here are mine:

Posted in Melbourne, Photography

A photo challenge: Breaking the rules

A few weeks ago Tim started a street photography challenge and is posting his images in his blog.

As he was heading out this morning he asked if I’d like to join him today. Street photography is not really my thing, but I thought ‘why not’.

This week’s task was “to produce nine images that break the ‘rules’ of photography but still work… that might mean breaking rules of composition, rules about not ‘chopping off’ limbs or heads, shooting with a straight horizon, and so on”. [I just took that straight from Tim’s blog!]

Here are my nine images. To see the full image, you’ll need to click on it.

One thing that intrigues me is that we went to the same places yet took quite different shots. I like that.

Posted in Life, Photography, Travel

Berlin – Leipzig – Rothenburg ob der Tauber

My castle experience ended much as it had begun – a 5 hour bus trip in which I sat quietly watching the countryside and distinctive architecture of the buildings flash past. On the return journey I reflected on what I’d just experienced and knew that I’d be mulling over it for some time to come.

Here is some of the Polish countryside that flashed past as we made our way back to Berlin.


It was an early night for me, then a trip into Berlin the next morning. I headed to the Checkpoint Charlie Museum, to learn more about the wall that divided a city overnight. I admit to not knowing a lot about it before my trip to the museum – but it’s so full of stories, artefacts, information, and photographs that I now know a whole lot more.

Filled with information, I wandered outside, into the light rain, and watched as people lined up to have their photo taken at Checkpoint Charlie. I then made my way to one of the last remaining remnants of the Berlin Wall … it was much more confronting than I had imagined it would be.

For those of you who, like me, don’t know much of the history …

The Berlin Wall was a guarded concrete barrier that divided Berlin from 1961 to 1989. It encircled West Berlin, separating it from East German territory. Construction of the wall was commenced by the German Democratic Republic (GDR, East Germany) on 13 August 1961. The Wall cut off West Berlin from surrounding East Germany, including East Berlin. It included guard towers placed along large concrete walls, accompanied by a wide area (later known as the “death strip”) that contained anti-vehicle trenches, beds of nails and other defenses. (Wikipedia)

You can find more information here: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Berlin-Wall

I discovered that the hotel in which I was staying had been part of East Berlin and that’s why the stop and go figures on the traffic lights were so distinctive. You can read more about their development here.


From Berlin I made my way to Leipzig for an overnight stay. I was there less than 24 hours – it was really just a stopping off point for my trip to Rothenburg ob der Tauber.

In the limited time I had, I managed to climb to the top of the tallest building in Leipzig – the Panorama Tower. When I say ‘climb’, I mean I took the lift and then walked up two flights of stairs to get to the very top. I was surprised to find that the ‘top’ was outside!

Back on solid ground and not having to worry about the little kids sitting on the edge of the building, I wondered past the Opera House, through Market Square, past the old Town Hall – the foundation stone was laid in 1556 – and had a look around the farmers market. It was a lovely evening, but once the rain started I ducked into a jazz bar for dinner.

The lift in my hotel was interesting, although the sound of running water wasn’t something I really wanted to hear after a long afternoon/evening of wandering around the city!

The lift in my hotel in Leipzig

A good night’s sleep, and then series of train trips – from Leipzig to Nuremberg (Nurnberg), then to Ansbach, then to Steinach bei Rothenburg ob der Tauber and from there to my final destination in Germany: Rothenburg ob der Tauber. I had learnt to take screen shots of the trains and walking directions from my first experience in Berlin and it’s interesting going through my phone now and reminding myself of my journey. Each train was smaller but all were clean and comfortable.

I had found Rothenburg by doing a Google search for old cities in Germany. I’m so pleased I did. I’ll write about it in my next post, but here’s just a taste of the city and its surrounds.

Posted in Learning, Life, Travel

An extraordinary experience

The day has finally arrived. I’m off to the castle. It’s a little bit exciting and a whole lot scary.

Tim asks ‘are you excited?’

‘I actually don’t know if I can do this’

‘Of course you can’, he said. ‘You’ve got this’.

I head downstairs for breakfast and try to identify other conference participants. WhatsApp is pinging away – people still arriving, COVID tests to organise, where is Starbucks at Berlin airport, who’s in the hotel restaurant for breakfast, anyone want to go for a walk before we catch the bus?

I don’t respond to any of them, even though I was having breakfast in the hotel restaurant at the time and then heading out for a walk before the long bus trip. I am full of anxiety.

One of the things that amazes me about being in Europe is that you can be on a bus driving through Germany and next minute you’re in Poland. No flashy signs, no big announcements … just a whole different country. There are bigger signs saying ‘Welcome to New South Wales’ than there are announcing ‘You’re now in Poland’. The language changed on the town names and that was the only indication I had that we weren’t in Germany anymore.

After a five hour bus ride we arrive at the castle.

This 13th century castle was all I imagined it to be

We arrived around 5pm, were shown to our (shared) rooms and told to meet in the Knights’ Hall in ten minutes. My roomies (Kim and Claudia) and I chose beds, found a space for our bags, checked out the (huge) bathroom and headed back downstairs.

Claus, one of the conference directors, addressed us and said some pretty important things:

  1. ‘I gotta go’ – if anything became too much, we just had to say those three words and leave the session. No explanations, no judgement, no feeling bad about leaving.
  2. ‘Love of missing out’ – it’s much more usual to talk about a fear of missing out (more commonly known as FOMO), but in this instance there was so much going on we couldn’t do it all. We were encouraged to be comfortable knowing we would miss some things.
  3. ‘It is now 6:14. In 9 minutes you will be back here wearing shoes suited for outside and something to keep you warm […] It is now 6:42, and we are precisely on time’. Things would happen at precisely the right time.

There were elements of ceremony and ritual built into each experience. On that first evening when we had something warm on and shoes suited to the outside, we went through the courtyard, past one of the spirits who told us to be silent, through another door that felt more like a portal, to stand silently in a semi-circle in the forest, just outside the castle walls. It was a powerful moment – standing silently with a group of stangers, listening to the beat of a drum, the darkness closing in around us.

Elements of ritual and ceremony on our first night

The power of shared moments, combined with ritual and ceremony, continued across the next four days.


This ‘conference’, on experience design – attended by folk singers, magicians, escape room designers, CEOs, marketers, immersive theatre directors, actors, artists, experience designers, economists, food scenographers, lawyers, visual artists, academics, composers – was unlike anything I’d been to before. This one walked the talk. We didn’t learn ‘about’ experience design – we ‘experienced’ experience design.

We had the castle complex to ourselves, which meant we could go anywhere – from the torture chamber to the tower – and were free to explore the passages behind any number of bookshelves in the dining room and the library. We wore black robes (much like academic gowns), were sorted into houses according to the colour of the ribbon on our lanyard (no sorting hat!) and had house captains who were our ‘go-to’ people. I was in the purple house; Divine and Katya were my house captains. Spirits slipped amongst us whispering clues to puzzles or reminded us that there was fire twirling in the courtyard later that evening, or an event happening in the tavern. A team of chefs, fermenters and foragers had spent a month in the castle before our arrival sourcing and creating ingredients for all our meals. No meat products and no alcohol were allowed. Photographers, videographers, and visual artists roamed the castle capturing the experience in a variety of ways. Teams of others laid down clues to puzzles, treasure maps, potions, wisdom cards to be collected, reminders to check in with others, reflective tasks to complete. It was immersive, challenging, at times confronting, and I loved every minute of it.

The library was designated as a silent place to eat – no eye contact, no talking. On the third night it was also designated cutlery free. Acelyna made it look so elegant but with what was on the menu that night (noodles) I wasn’t about to try it. Eating in the dining room, on the other hand, was social and over the four days was the place for many rich and diverse conversations.

Each morning I’d get up early, trying not to wake my roommates, grab my camera and wander around the castle. The mornings were cool and crisp and it was a lovely way to start the day. I often felt like I had the whole place to myself.

If you get the opportunity to spend a week in a castle in Poland, I can highly recommend it.

Posted in Life, Travel

Marathon experience

I planned but I didn’t prepare. And that had consequences for later.

I’d arrived in Berlin on Saturday afternoon, and on Sunday morning it was time for the Marathon.

The Berlin Marathon is a big event. Huge. So big that the accommodation reserved for us was about an hour out of the city by train, all other city accommodation having been snapped up months earlier. Much of the public transport was disrupted on Sunday morning, especially closer to the centre of the city and even the hop on-hop off bus wasn’t running. Ironic really.

I was leaving by train the following weekend and wanted to make sure I knew how to get to the Berlin Hauptbanhoff without the issues I’d faced the previous day. So I thought I’d have a practice run. On Sunday morning. While the marathon was on and public transport was disrupted.

No tram for me today – train all the way. The train station was a mere 500m from the hotel, it was a crisp, clear morning and a walk in the fresh air would help blow away some of the remaining jet lag. One train from Spindlersfeld Station to Schoneweide (2 stops – the bonus being how lovely that word is to say), and then another train (10 stops) to the main station. Easy.

I bought my ticket, marvelled at the lack of ticket barriers, and enjoyed the train ride(s). I saw runners on the marathon route as the train drew closer to the main station and so once there and familiarised with the route and the station, I followed the noise, over the Spree River, through the Spreebogenpark, to Otto-von-Bismarck-Allee. Crowds of people lined the street, cheering on the runners. They had all kinds of noise-makers – one woman was banging two saucepan lids together – and they weren’t afraid to use them. I walked in the same direction as the runners and soon came across the 7km mark.

Crowds lining the streets to cheer on the runners

I kept walking, not at all sure where I was going or what I was doing, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I came across the 8km mark. I was a bit like Forrest Gump at this stage, although with less facial hair, and just kept walking.

More runners than cheerers at this point

Near the 9km mark there was a man standing on the side of the street holding a punching bag out in front of him. On the punching bag was a photo of Vladimir Putin and an invitation to punch it. Many runners used a little bit of their precious energy to give it a good wallop.

9kms and still going strong – the runners that is. Me, not so much.
I wonder if the smiling man had seen the sign on the window.

Over the past year, various members of the family have been involved in a weekly photography challenge. We catch up on Sunday evenings to chat about the photos and how our week has been. 7:30 on Sunday evening in Australia translated to 10:30 on Sunday morning in Berlin, so as 10:30 approached I searched for a cafe. I found one – the Röststätte, on Ackerstraße – which just so happened to be on the other side of the road.

Yes, that meant crossing the road. Yes, crossing the road down which hundreds of runners were running. Crossing in front of them. Cutting through them to reach the other side. I had seen a number of people step nimbly across the road, not getting in anyone’s way, so knew it could be done. I started out confidently, timing my not-so-nimble steps with what I thought was a gap in the group of runners. It turned out not to be a gap, and so I got half way across the road and stopped. They ran around me like I was a boulder in a stream. One man kindly told me I was going the wrong way, but I could tell already that a marathon wasn’t for me (sorry Jen).

I eventually made it across – hoping I hadn’t cut time off someone’s personal best in doing so – and found a quiet corner in the cafe.

After our catch up, I kept walking until I came across the U Rosenthaler Platz (an underground train station). I slowly made my way down the steps to the platform, got off at Brandenburger Tor, made my way slowly up the steps to the street, and headed towards The Brandenburg Gate – which was very close to the finish line.

The Brandenburg Gate – only a km or so to go at this point
Almost done!

When Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline played over the loudspeakers the whole crowd, including many runners, joined in. It lifted their spirits in a way that few other songs did and seemed to give many an extra boost of energy as they drew close to the finish line.


By the time I got back to the hotel later that afternoon, my right knee, which is problematic at the best of times, my feet and my calves all let me know, quite forcefully, that I had overdone it.

I walked over 12kms that Sunday – nothing like a marathon, but it was a distance I had not adequately prepared for.

I had also, I realised with a big dose of ‘I can’t do this’, not adequately prepared for the reality of meeting a group of strangers, travelling by bus with them to a different country, and then spending 5 days with them at a conference. WhatsApp messages had started coming through earlier in the day – of people’s arrival times in Berlin, invitations to meet up for a walk/drinks/dinner, information on COVID testing centres. Dinner was arranged for 7pm for those staying at the hotel, and in a fit of bravery (of course you can do it Sharon!) I headed for the meeting place in the lobby.

As I headed towards the group I noticed they were all men. At that point my bravery jumped ship and I veered off into the hotel restaurant to have dinner on my own.

What had I done? Why had I said yes to this when I so easily could have ignored that particular email? Two years ago I’d been all for stepping out of my comfort zone, but now, right at this minute when I was on the cusp of stepping out, I wasn’t so sure. In fact I was positively sure that stepping out was something I definitely could not do.

It wasn’t only the knee, calf and foot pain that kept me awake that night.