Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

It’s Friday … you know what that means

In case you don’t know what it means, it’s Friday and that means it’s time for another 3 questions and an F-word post.

Today’s three questions are:

  1. What made me happy this week?
  2. What am I looking forward to next week?
  3. What am I doing this long weekend? (Yes, in Victoria we have a long weekend because it’s the eve of the AFL Grand Final. Don’t ask me, I don’t know why that requires a holiday either … but I’ll take it anyway. Well, actually, I have a long weekend every week because where I work has taken the brilliant decision of having a 4-day work week and every Friday is my day off. But it means Tim is home today and that means we have plans. More on that later.)

My F-word for the week: Fabulous. Read on to find out why.

First, to the questions.

  1. What made me happy this week? One of the projects I’ve been working on culminated in a presentation this week. Tuesday morning to be precise. It was to be a 20-minute presentation that took many more hours to prepare than to present, but the preparation was worth it.

    I was confident, I knew what I wanted to communicate, I talked about assumptions (something I don’t get a chance to talk about enough these days), I was clear and, those in the audience (an Expert Advisory Group from the Victorian Department of Health) said things like, “thank you Dr Pittaway for your insightful presentation”. That felt good. I felt so good afterwards that I craved a biscuit with my celebratory cup of tea. Trouble is, I have a problem with supermarkets, so while I could present to an audience of over a dozen experts, walking into a supermarket was a whole different kettle of fish. But I was so happy I did it anyway.

  2. What am I looking forward to next week? This one has me so excited that I clap my hands with glee everytime I think about it. Which is often. When I was retired (over a year ago now), I joined a photography group through U3A. Every second Monday we’d go to a location and take photos, and the next week we’d show five of our best. The group had been photographing together for many years (as many as 16) but they welcomed me into their midst. I was part of the group for about six months before I stopped being retired.

    One of the group members knew someone who knew someone who was the President of the Royal Historical Society of Victoria. The RHSV had the idea of publishing a second edition of a book originally published 40 years ago, focused on Melbourne’s laneways. U3A members were sent out into said laneways with the task of capturing up-to-date images for the new edition. I happened to be part of the group involved in that project. The book has now been published and is being launched on Thursday, October 3. That’s Thursday next week.

    And I’m SO excited. Why?

    I’m glad you asked. I’m super excited because one of my images is on the front cover.

    I’m more than excited. I’m chuffed. And proud. And I can’t wait to go to the book launch and see it for myself. And I’ve been told, by Diana from U3A, that there will be a copy waiting for me there!

  3. What am I looking forward to this long weekend? I’ve made a list:
    * Taking some more photos for my black glove series
    * Planting the rest of the snow in the summer plants that it’s been too wet to plant
    * Our annual Grand Final party. We don’t watch any football through the year (apart from the odd occasion I get to watch my grandchildren play football – rugby and AFL), but we started a tradition about 18 years ago of having a grandfinal party while actually watching the grandfinal on telly. One year we even went to the GF Eve parade and then to the celebrations the day after the GF because Hawthorn had won for the third year in a row and the celebrations were being held at the local oval (we lived near Hawthorn at the time) and it was on the way to the train station. It’s only ever Tim and I – although one year my friend Rosie attended too (well, she had to because she was visiting from Tasmania at the time) – but we really live it up! (Emma, I heard you laugh at that from here!!) I wasn’t here last year so Tim had to party on his own, and come to think of it I wasn’t here the year before either, but I’m determined to attend the party this year so Tim doesn’t have to party on his own for a third year in a row.
    * We’re also going out hunting for retro motels to photograph and I’ll do some drawing.

All in all, a creative and lavish party weekend!

So why my F-word of fabulous? Well, I’ve had a fabulous work week, I’m looking forward to a fabulous book launch, and who can say no to a fabulous grandfinal party complete with gourmet delights like cocktail savs and party pies?

Not me, that’s for sure!

Here’s a sneak peek of the image on the cover of the Laneways book.

Hozier Lane, Melbourne Photo ©Sharon Pittaway
Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

Three questions and an F-word continues

Hello. For the past two weeks I’ve written a post using the prompt above on a Friday morning. I didn’t write a post this morning because I was writing an ethics application instead. But the ethics application is done now, and I figured I might as well write a post as it’s still Friday.

I have written these posts on a Friday because it’s part of an occasional series my sister does called Friday Feels, and I thought I’d get in on the action.

The three questions – just to remind those who haven’t been joining in – are:

  1. What made me happy this week?
  2. What made me laugh out loud this week?
  3. What did I do this week that I haven’t done in a long time?
  4. And then I choose an F-word.

My cousin Jen asked on Facebook if I’d thought about incorporating the F-word into my responses. As it turns out, I had, but I had resisted the urge to do just that.

No resisting today though folks. I’ll choose an F-word first, and then respond accordingly (or not!).

Frivolous/frivolity.

  1. What made me happy this week was not the frivolity that comes with your elderly (am I allowed to say that??) mother taking a tumble and ending up flat on the floor with blood pouring from her nose. There simply wasn’t any frivolity in that incident. What made me happy, however, was that she wasn’t otherwise hurt and the next morning was not feeling stiff or sore and did not have a black eye as we imagined she might. She was able to lift her (heavy) suitcase out of the car and wheel it all the way to the check-in counter (I didn’t help her because she’s an independent woman travelling independently – to the UK and beyond), smell all the perfume as she went through duty free, and then lay back in her comfy seat all the way to London. Fabulous. I aspire to that level of frivolity when I’m her age. Just not the falling over bit.
  2. What made me laugh out loud? Social media is a lot of things, but frivolous isn’t the first word that pops into my mind when I think about it. But some time ago I came across an account that is completely frivolous and I’m all for it. I am thoroughly enjoying Ben Fensome’s adaptation of the BBC’s 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice (the one with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy). You can find Ben’s adaptation on Instagram – his handle is @somebenfen. He plays all the parts and is amazing at playing the wet and ungainly Mr Collins and then smouldering as Mr Darcy. The episode I watched at lunch time had me laughing out loud. Pure frivolous delight!
  3. What did I do this week that I haven’t done in a long time? I went out. At night. To a show. A circus show. It was fabulous. And not at all frivolous. Second year students at NICA, the National Institute of Circus Arts, had developed a show titled Fall with Me and we decided to head along to opening night. What a treat! There were no clowns, and no bears chained up doing tricks. But there were a lot of very talented, strong, disciplined students who put their all into a very entertaining show. It was a testament to the type of education that embodies collaboration, care for each other, team work and dedication. They supported each other and worked brilliantly together. I left thinking that I need to get out and see more shows, and that there is a form of education left in the world that isn’t run by robots. And that made me happy.

What else?

My book is out!! I have held it in my hands. And it feels fabulous to have something that took a year to develop, now available for others to read and cogitate over and use as fodder for their own teaching practice. I’m seriously quite chuffed that it’s out in the world. The book is called Enacting a Pedagogy of Kindness and even though it’s directed at those in higher ed, I reckon it’s a good read for all teachers.

Here’s a photo of my co-editor and friend Airdre, holding her copy.

That’s my Friday Feels for another week. I give myself an F for failing to incorporate my F-word more fully, and Jen, I hope you can forgive me.

Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

Friday’s 3 questions and an F word

It’s Friday again. Not sure how that happened, but here we are.

Last week I wrote my first ever 3 questions and an F word post and because no one read it (apart from my sister) I thought I’d send another post into the void.

The premise is, that you respond to three questions and then choose a word beginning with F and write about that. The three questions are:

  1. What made you happy this week?
  2. What made you sad this week?
  3. What are your plans for the weekend? (I think. I can’t actually remember, so I made that up.)

What made me happy

Work. Yeah, I know, strange answer, but there you go.

I’ve been working on a project about perinatal mental health screening, specifically in Indigenous communities in Victoria. The Department of Health are updating the screening guidelines and basically wanted to know what would make the screening process more culturally safe. So they asked me to ask some midwives, maternal and child health nurses and others of that ilk, as well as Aboriginal parents how the screening process could be improved.

On Friday last week, I went to a playgroup to talk with some parents. One little fella, 14 months old, toddled up to me and put his head on my knee as I introduced the project to the mums. He then reached his arms up and so I picked him up for a lovely cuddle. He came back later for another one.

Now, I’m not a hugger but cuddling babies is a very different kettle of fish. I highly recommend it.

And then this week, I finished the report the Department said I had to write, because apparently, just talking to people wasn’t enough. I finished it – wait for it – one whole week early! Some big days of writing and editing, but the draft is in and now I’m waiting for the feedback.

So work was good this week.

What made me (really) sad

I was scrolling through Instagram last night and one of the posts I stopped to read made me really sad. Disturbed. Concerned for where we’re headed as a society.

Tarang Chawla is a Melbourne man whose sister Nikita was murdered by her boyfriend in 2015. Tarang speaks out strongly about men’s violence towards women – you might have seen him on TV or follow him on Instagram like I do.

Last night as I was scrolling, I saw this post.

Source: Tarang Chawla’s post on Instagram

I swiped to read the other slides and was horrified by what I read. You might have seen this story on the nightly news or online. Apart from giving voice to the horrendous violence of this act, Tarang’s wider point is about media reporting.

Source: Tarang Chawla’s Intagram post

I won’t include the next slide in Tarang’s post, but the Australian media reporting of Kristina Joksimovic’s murder is deeply disturbing.

Tarang makes the point that women’s lives have become clicks. More clicks = more revenue.

Source: Tarang Chawla’s Intagram post

What views are being shaped by the grotesque reporting of Kristina Joksimovic’s murder?

Whose views are being shaped?

There were other reports I read on women’s murders this week, and on the dehumanising treatment of women – see the MFW Facebook page if you want to read more – and they all made me sad. Not only because of the treatment of women, but also because of how this treatment is being reported in our ‘news’ media, and how our views are being shaped by this reporting.

I was going to apologise for bringing the mood down, but I won’t. This is happening, we consume this reporting. What’s it doing to us?

Plans for the weekend

Mum arrives tonight for a weekend visit, and I had thought we might go to the Kyneton Daffodil and Arts Festival.

I just checked the forecast though and tommorrow’s high of just 8C and up to 8mm of rain isn’t inspiring me to get outside.

So we’ll see.

What I’m really trying to say is that we have no plans.

Sometimes those weekends are the best.

[Breaking: I just this minute received a text message reminding me of a dental appointment tomorrow morning. I’ve already put it off once, so I’m thinking I should get my big girls pants on and just go.]

F-word

Fancy.

Yep, that’s my f-word for the week.

We’ve had some more painting done inside and the place feels fancy.

And looks fabulous.

Love this colour: Bean Counter (Dulux)

So that’s it. My 3 questions and an F-word.

Thanks for reading Deb!

Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Photography, Portraits, Writing

3 questions and an F word

As regular readers know, I have an older sister. Not much older, just over a year, but older is older, right? Deb, my slightly older sister, is a blogger over at Deb’s World and the other day she wrote a post, which led me to writing one in the same format. It felt strange and strangely uncomfortable because it isn’t the kind of writing I generally do, but I did it anyway, because … well, because boundary pushing is sometimes a good thing to do.

So here I am, about to start writing another post copying another format she sometimes uses – the 3 questions and an F word of the title of this post.

The three questions are:

  1. What’s made you happy (I’m not sure if that’s ever, or this week, but I’ll work that out as I write).
  2. What’s made you sad (ditto)
  3. What’s made a difference (again, I could go back to her post and check out what this is supposed to mean, or I could do what I’m going to do and that is make up my own mind about it. It’s my blog after all!)
  4. The fourth thing is to find an F word that has some meaning to me (possibly mis-remembering this bit of the prompt … but, my blog and all that).

Deb has all the details on her most recent post: Friday Feels: 3 questions and an F word. Not sure what the Friday Feels bit is about, but it’s Friday, so I’ll go with that.

So, what’s made me happy?

Family. My eldest son came to stay and we drove a few hours to spend a few days with my mother and sister and it was fabulous to be together. We laughed, and we cried, and we watched my granddaughter’s footy grandfinal on the telly and heard her mother yelling from Tasmania. One of the best bits was getting my photography studio properly sorted and getting to try out the new lighting set up on my son (who did all the sorting).

In this shot we used the beauty dish as the lighting source.

And what’s made me sad?

Goodbyes. Not, I hasten to add, that I’ve had to say any permanent goodbyes of late, but there’s always a twinge of sadness when we have to say ‘see ya’.

What’s made a difference?

Wallpaper and paint. We bought a house just over a year ago and have been taking our time in working out how we want it to look. We had the loungeroom painted earlier in the year. Clouded Sky. That’s the name of the paint colour. A few months ago, we added some wallpaper to the family room, and yesterday we had the little sitting room painted. Bean Counter. That’s the name of the paint colour. It’s made such a difference!

An F-word

Face-mask. I had never used a face-mask before the weekend, but Deb said we needed a ‘glow up’ and so bought us both one to apply. It was slimy and cold and felt disgusting for the fifteen minutes it was on my face. I was distinctly uncomfortable and I think Deb was slightly disappointed that it wasn’t the relaxing experience she had imagined it would be.

After peeling the slimy wet thing from my face and gingerly rubbing the leftover gloop in with my fingertips, I have to admit that my face was glowing. It has continued to glow in the days since. So much so, that I’m considering doing it again sometime in the next 60 years.

So there you have it: 3 questions and an f-word. And no mention of my newly published book Enacting a pedagogy of kindness, available now from the Routledge site (as well as loads of other sites that sell good books). I did well not to mention that, didn’t I?

Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

An A-Z of goings on

My sister posted on her blog today a post titled Taking Stock Checkup #3. In it, she used one word prompts to get her thinking about what’s been on her radar for the past few weeks/months. It’s the same words each time she posts (this is her third post using this format this year) although I’m not sure if they’re her words or someone else’s.

No matter.

As I’m having a day off today, I thought I might use the same prompts, just to see how it feels.

Appreciating: My latest book, Enacting a Pedagogy of Kindness: A guide for practitioners in Higher Education has just been published. I’m appreciating a few things:

  • my friend, Airdre Grant, who invited me to co-edit the book
  • the work of each contributor in telling stories of how they enact kindness in their practice
  • how good it feels to have it out in the world (although I reckon it’ll feel even better when I get my hands on a physical copy)
  • how hard it is to promote an academic text (I keep asking myself who wants to read it … I think every academic/teacher should because it’s a great book!)

Bingeing: I am currently bingeing the Happy Wall website. I am obsessed with wallpaper at the moment and spend way too long looking for one that’s ‘just right’. Loads of great designs, too few walls.

Cooking: Porridge for breakfast.

Doing: (Barely) promoting my book, searching through wallpaper designs, eating porridge.

Excited: Next month, on October 3, I will be attending a book launch at the Royal Historical Society of Victoria. They will be launching The story of Melbourne’s lanes: Essential but unplanned. The reason I’m particularly excited by the launch of this book is because they have chosen one of my images to be on the cover!

Feeling: Appreciative.

Going: To see Jesus Christ Superstar with my sister as a birthday treat next year.

Hoping: That Jesus Christ Superstar will be just as good as it was the first time we saw it in the early/mid 1970s (with Marcia Hines, Jon English, and Trevor White).

Important: Appreciating the good things is important. Particularly when the good things are simple things like cooking porridge.

Joining: I will be joining others from U3A Hawthorn at the Laneways book launch on October 3.

Kudos: To the paralympians.

Loving: Using my newly set-up photography studio. It’s fabulous to have light modifiers on the wall; somewhere to hang backdrops; and to have the lights set up so that I can get creative quickly and easily.

Managing: To get work done with all the distractions of book publication, the other book’s upcoming launch, my photo studio set up, wallpaper sites to trawl through …

Need: To choose paint colours.

Observing: The delivery man out the front at the moment. His truck won’t start and it’s interesting to watch him try to identify the problem.

Preparing: For yet another severe weather event. I don’t know what this one will be, but I guess I’ll find out when it hits.

Quirky: A word I used to search for homewares last week. Didn’t find anything I liked.

Reading: Tea leaves.

Smiling: Because, you know, my book … porridge … photo studio

Thriving: My garden is thriving because Spring is here. I can see buds on the weeping something tree outside my window, and blossoms on the trees that line the street.

Uncomfortable: At the idea of promoting my book.

Visiting: Soon I will be visiting my youngest son and his family. For the first time in 10 years I’ll have a child and grandchildren living in the same state as me and that means frequent visiting.

Wearing: Too many visits to my youngest son and his family might get wearing – for them at least. Not for me!

Xploring: Ideas … photographically.

Yes: Please.

Zero: No more words.

Posted in Life, Writing

Stories

There’s a car parked across my driveway, blocking me in.

It’s not actually a car, it’s a van. The pool man, come to check the chlorine levels, and clean the filter. At least I hope he’s come to clean the filter.

It’s grey out and raining. Miserable. A day for staying inside, curled up in a comfy chair reading a book Alison just told you about: Smart ovens for lonely people by Elizabeth Tan. She scanned one of the short stories and I read it and loved it as she knew I would.

When the van is gone, there will be no excuse not to leave for work. I like my work, which isn’t something I’ve been able to say about all the jobs I’ve had. The one before this one was the worst of all, but it led me to this one and it’s one of my favourites. I get to write and interview people and co-design workshops and listen to people and be warm with the heater Kerry, my boss, brought in for me yesterday.

It’s a warm workplace and I am the oldest there. By a long shot. It feels strange to be the oldest, to feel the store of stories welling up inside me every time we sit down for lunch together. I mostly refrain from sharing. Because … you know. Old people and their stories.

I listen to old people and their stories. Stories of removal and disconnection and abuse and am thankful for the warmth of the workplace. It provides a blanket to shield me from the hurt and pain of others’ stories. I write about them, these other stories, in a report for the client, wondering if anything I say might make a difference. Wondering how to say something that will help make a difference.

The van is gone. My path is clear. I’m off to make a difference.

Posted in Life, Writing

And just like that …

End of December 2017 – we head to Europe for a cold Christmas. Paris, the UK for actual Christmas, back to Paris, then Venice for New Year, then Prague.

Beginning of January 2018 – we arrive home to the warmth of an Australian summer.

End of January 2018 – Dad passes away.

End of November 2018 – I discover a lump in my breast.

End of December 2018 – formal diagnosis. A trip to Tassie for Christmas with the kids and grandkids.

Beginning of January 2019 – a trip to Queensland for more family, then home for surgery.

February-March 2019 – radiotherapy treatment, confronting and strange.

April 2019 – the beginning of (endocrine) hormone treatment. A pill every day for five years. Regular check ups with my surgeon, medical oncologist, and radio oncologist. Confronting and anxiety inducing. I think I called it being discombobulated back then.

Early December 2019 – a trip to Singapore to attend a conference. My cough and difficulty breathing when I get home a concern but it cleared up after a time.

Late December 2019 – January 2020 – to Sydney for Christmas with Mum and friends. Bushfires. Smoke for air. Death and destruction. Hands being shaken that didn’t want to be. Exhaustion. Logging on to apps we didn’t know we needed, glued to social media. The fires closing in on my sister’s house, then turning away suddenly, not far from the front gate. Her watching on from the UK. Safe. Kind of.

March 2020 – COVID. The world shuts down.

Lockdown #1: Tuesday 31st March to Tuesday 12th May. A total of 43 days that seemed longer in the living of it.

Borders closed. Shortages of toilet paper, dried goods, patience. Working from home. Board games in the evenings. Lives lost, exhaustion, death and disease. Daily press conferences. Numbers, stats, people’s lives … and their deaths. Masks, homemade at first, then N95s. No handshakes. No flights. No gatherings. Dis-ease.

Blur.

Just get through it. Take the moments when you can. Zoom, photography, connection. Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Get tested.

We become ‘distancers‘ … uneasy, wary, but at least our hands are clean.

Melbourne’s Lockdown #2: 9th July to Tuesday 27th October. 111 days of boredom, coping, not coping; working from home, living in trackpants.

Blur on steroids.

Blurgh.

End of October 2020 – the measures are working. Cases reducing. Doughnut days are here (to stay?). Still masking, washing our hands, working from home. But no deaths, fewer new cases. Doughnut shops sell out by mid-morning.

A circle of hope for the weary and un-easy.

December 2020 – a trip to Tassie for Christmas, taking the moments when we can. Family, connection, a circle of hope for the weary.

February 2021 – no more doughnut days. Melbourne’s Lockdown #3: A short, sharp five days from February 13 to 17.

March 2021 … – check ups, anxiety inducing and painful, but necessary and reassuring when they’re done.

53 weeks of distancing, still working from home, still masking on the odd times we go out. The talk of a ‘COVID-normal’ world. No idea what that means.

Melbourne’s Lockdown #4: from May 28 to June 10. 14 days that feel like another lifetime.

June 2021 – Tim goes to the doctor who sends him to a specialist who sends him for tests.

The results come back. It wasn’t the news we wanted to hear.

July 2021 – Melbourne’s Lockdown #5: Friday 16th July to Tuesday 27th.

Tim’s surgery is scheduled right in the middle of those 12 gruelling days. Complications mean his 3-4 day stay in hospital stretches out over 13 gruelling days.

Breast surgeon check up for me. All clear.

August 2021 – Melbourne’s Lockdown #6: Thursday 5th August to Thursday 21st October. 77 soul-sucking days. Seems no end to it.

Tim starts chemo. Eight three-week cycles, with a week off in between each cycle.

Six-months of it.

Blurgh.

September 2021 – an earthquake, Victoria’s largest in 200 years, because … well, why not?

November 2021 – redundancy. Am I retired now? I sure am tired now.

December 2021 – regular mammogram, ultrasound, medical oncology check up. All clear.

February 2022 – Tim finishes chemo. An end to it.

April 2022 – car crash. No one was hurt … except the car.

Blurgh.

September 2022 – the College of Extraordinary Experience, Poland.

October 2022 – Germany, Belgium and the UK. Extraordinary.

December 2022 – regular mammogram, ultrasound, medical oncology check up. All clear.

2023 – retirement? Maybe.

February 2023 – U3A. It’s what retired people do. Photography group. Book club. New views, new ideas. Getting out. Is this normal? COVID normal or normal normal? Who can tell?

April 2023 – new job. Helping seniors with technology. Re-invigorated. Re-energised. Re-connected.

May 2023 – Multiple Births Association volunteer. Cuddling babies. Bliss.

July 2023 – change of direction, this time into real estate. Starts out well enough.

August 2023 – move out of the city into our own home.

December 2023 – regular mammogram, ultrasound, medical oncology check up. All clear.

March 2024 – yet another change of direction. A consultant now. Writing, editing, transcribing, interviewing.

May 2024 – today. May 12. Mothers Day as it turns out. My last day of pills. One pill every day for five years. Today’s will be the last.

And just like that …

Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

Change part 2

I finished my last post by saying it wasn’t a biggie – all that change at once – but of course it was.

One of the biggest biggies is the decisions about what to take with you to your new place. You look in your cupboards and under the bed, and behind the laundry door and you think ‘what is all this stuff? Do I really need it?’

What do you take? What do you get rid of or give away/rehome/recycle? I have letters – handwritten ones – from my grandmothers dating back to the 1970s. I’ve carried them with me through the countless moves from NSW to Queensland to Tasmania to Victoria. Each time I pack up to move, I come across them and I get a little frisson of pleasure when I see them.

I have a basketball pennant from 1973 when I played in the Shoalhaven ABA Miniballer winter comp, my Year 12 highschool reference from 1983, and my acceptance letter from 1993 when I applied to university (plus my very first university student card).

My first ever student card from 1993

I have airmail letters from my sister who lived in England for a year in 1992 (apparently I made a tape for them – I’d just started working in radio so probably thought I was very professional!). I have a newspaper clipping from 1994 when I interviewed Jeanne Little and copies of run sheets from the Kick Arts show I used to do on community radio in Launceston in the early 2000s. I have a letter from the Tasmanian Department of Tourism, Parks, Heritage and the Arts thanking me for agreeing to be part of the media team for the Olympic Art event in 2004 which I wouldn’t have remembered if I hadn’t kept the letter. I have letters and cards from former students that bring back floods of memories.

I could throw them all away and no one else would be any the wiser. And I came very close to doing that yesterday when I found them again. But they are documents of a life. Of my life.

When my children are going through my things after I die, I’m sure they’ll ask, ‘why did Mum keep this … and this … and this?’ But I hope they’ll read some of those letters and cards and documents and get a better sense of the life I’ve lived.

One thing in particular I came across yesterday was the script of a speech I gave when I was involved with Toastmasters in the early 2000s. I started with a story of a bird I’d set free when I was five years old and finished with the story of setting myself free many years later. It was a cage of “you can’t” – you can’t go to university, you can’t go to work, you can’t make it without me, you can’t live outside this cage.

But what had been called stubbornness in my youth developed into an ocean of resilience. I believe that the bird I set free when I was five made it … that its resilience and determination to survive allowed it to enjoy its freedom … just as my resilience and determination have allowed me to.

So while lots of change at once is a biggie, I have an ocean of resilience and determination to help me weather it.

And I have documents of my life to remind me of that.

Posted in Life, Mid-life blogger, Writing

Change

Change can be challenging. Not the small stuff like my Pop used to jiggle in his pocket, but the big stuff … location, house, lifestyle, job, hairstyle, friendship group … that kind of big stuff.

Doing one change at a time can be stressful. Have you ever been to the hairdresser and she suggests you have a fringe? The decision can be agonising and you’re under pressure to say yes or no and you don’t have anyone you know close by to advise you and you just do it and everyone says it looks great. And you realise that the decision was stressful but the outcome wasn’t. It’s just a hair cut. No biggie.

Doing more than one change at a time can be ultra stressful. Your hair starts to fall out, and your stomach is upset more often than not, and your legs ache and you snap yes please when your husband asks if you’d like a cup of tea rather than being polite about it, and your mind whirls at a million miles an hour all night or at least until 5:55am and then you fall into a deep sleep and don’t wake up until 7:30 and that means you’re late and the stress builds all over again and even more hair comes out and suddenly you don’t even want a cup of tea and you wonder what’s happening to you and you suddenly realise, three weeks later, that you’re stressed because there’s too much change happening all at once.

Please tell me it’s not just me.

We bought a house. We sold a house. We ended our lease on a place we’d lived in longer than we’d ever lived anywhere. I got a job. I completed a Cert IV in Real Estate Practice. I commuted three hours a day for a month. We packed. We moved. We unpacked*.

Change of job – in a whole new field (so much to learn).

Change of house – no stairs, a garden, loads more room (so much to arrange*).

Change of location – out of the city (so many places to explore).

Change of friendship group – no more U3A photography group, no more U3A reading group, no more baby cuddling, no more oldies at Tech Tip Tuesday (yet to be replaced).

Lots of change.

Lots of stress.

And then you search for something and find something else instead, and the something else you find is so interesting you sit on the bed in the spare room and read it and your mind goes back all those years and you understand afresh that it’s just a new job (and a new house, and a new location) and you’ve done it all before.

It’s just change. No biggie.


* thanks to Emma, but that’s another story

Posted in Life, Melbourne, Writing

Diary of a distancer: Week – not sure

Do weeks exist any more? Do months or seasons for that matter? Days do, I’m sure of that. They start, often grey here in Melbourne, and finish, just as grey. One day follows another in a regularity of routine. There’s the morning presser if I’m not in a meeting – tuning in to hear the latest from Premier Dan Andrews and CHO Prof. Brett Sutton – or CHOttie as some people have taken to calling him.

There’s lots of talk about the mental health challenges of this time of lockdown. Reading the comments during the pressers is very bad for my mental health. As is listening to many of the journalists’ questions. You’d think I’d stop doing it, but I can’t seem to help myself. I’ve even started writing my own comments. It’s not a healthy place to be, yet, there I am, tuning in like a moth unable to stop flying into the light.

Two days a week there’s my 30-minute exercise routine – the one designed by my physio to help keep arthritis at bay, to help keep my bones strong by strengthening my muscles, to help strengthen the muscles around my knees so they stop hurting, to help me develop shoulders that look like they have muscles in them. (That last one is just for my own vanity!)

I have a tendency to work through the exercises too quickly – I am my mother’s daughter it seems, at least in this regard. Last week I was given information (read ‘stern talking to’) about not allowing time for recovery in between each exercise and that being bad for my body. I have to make the workout last for 30 minutes at a minimum. I was getting it done in 20.

It was a lovely (cool but not windy) morning on Thursday. I do some of my exercises outside as I need a strong anchor point and we don’t have any inside. It was suggested that doorknobs would be sufficient, but all of ours fall off with regular monotony, so I knew not to use them. One of the trees in our courtyard/backyard is about the sturdiest anchor point we have so I tie the orange powerband around that and do rows and supported squats, and I wrap the blue theraband around it and do L Pullaparts. (No questions about the L part of that – I have no idea).

In between each rep (I use the shortened form to suggest I can speak ‘exercise’) I have to rest – for a minute. Thirty seconds at the very least.

Thursday morning, cool, not windy, I head outside armed with my exercise bands. I look around the neglected garden and decide it could do with some weeding. I get busy: 10 powerband rows – 1 minute of weeding; 10 supported squats – 1 minute of weeding. 10 L Pullaparts (they’re for my shoulders) – oh, there’s a great photo just waiting to be taken! I rush inside and grab my camera. Whoops, my rest break seeps into multiple minutes. Ten more powerband rows, more weeding.

The garden is looking much better! Who knew exercise was so good for the garden?!

I check my watch – 34 minutes. Yes! Go me. Rob, my physio, laughs fit to burst when I tell him about the weeding. He says he’ll buy me a deck chair so I can properly rest between reps in the future.

Breakfast. Porridge. Tea. I’ve taken to making tea in a teapot since I’ve been fulltime at home.

Shower – although that depends on the time – so most often not.

The commute to work takes ten seconds. Up the stairs, and into my office. I know it’s my office because it has my name on the door.

Tim has already plugged my heater in, opened the curtains and turned on the lamps. Between 10:30 & 11am he’ll pop in with a cup of tea.

I’ve taken to scheduling in a lunch/brain break each day – an hour where I eat, then read education-related Tweets and articles and learn stuff. It kinda makes up for the negativity of the comments section in the morning’s presser.

Home time – no afternoon traffic to contend with, no rain on the windscreen, no avoiding flying debris from the wind whipping through the trees. No road rage, no horns honking, no slamming on the brakes to avoid the car in front that stopped suddenly to avoid the car in front that stopped abruptly …

The commute is now calm and peaceful – a mere 15 stairs and I’m ‘home’. I don’t even need to get the front door key out. Actually, I’m not even sure where my front door key is any more. Or my car key for that matter.

When it’s not physio-exercise day and when it’s not windy, we often use our exercise hour to walk around the neighbourhood. We’ve found laneways we didn’t know existed – not the hip kind of laneways in the city; these ones don’t have graffiti-covered walls and cafes serving single origin machiato soy almond truffl-infused cold ‘brew’. These ones have cobble stones to not twist your ankle on, and high fences with little doors built in, and sometimes on the non-windy days the sounds of families playing tennis.

Little doors make me curious

And then it’s Saturday. I know it’s Saturday because of the street corners. They’re abuzz in ways streets corners in my part of Melbourne had never been before this year.

People, with slight morning tremors, gather on street corners now. They stand, mostly silent, a good arm’s length or two apart, straggling across the road in some instances, masked faces staring intently at the hole in the wall.

New friendships have formed in this new, regular routine called Saturday-morning-waiting-for-my-fix-in-the-time-of-COVID. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of engagements and marriage proposals resulting from these now-regular gatherings. Each Saturday morning as we ride by, the crowds are bigger, the masks a little further down faces, a little less distance between each slightly tremoring body. More kids on bikes, more dogs on leashes, more conversation, more bike bells dinging frantically as we weave our way through them.

It’s Melbourne. They’re waiting for their coffee.

And now it’s Sunday. Father’s Day. Roadmap day. What time’s the presser? It’s the question on everyone’s lips. 12pm says the authority that is the Twitter account: What time is Dan’s presser. An account that keeps us up-to-date so we know when to tune in.

Will I tune in today?

Probably … I want to know what’s ahead. But I’ll do my very best to avoid the negativity and ignorance that is the comments section.

Stay safe.

A flower to brighten your day