Monday 14 January 2019
The alarm goes off at 6am and I haul myself out of bed knowing this will be my last gym session for a while. Deb walks down to the gym with me and heads off for a half hour walk while I walk up the stairs to the studio, my glutes still hurting from Friday’s session. I hope Tom will go a bit easy on me this morning.
He doesn’t! The single leg presses that caused my muscles to complain vociferously over the weekend were on today’s agenda as were the bench presses that caused me to know my chest muscles had been working too. Tom says the muscle ache will be a good distraction from other aches I might have after my surgery. After the stretches, we high five as usual then he gives me a hug and assures me I’ll be fine.
This afternoon I’m due to have a procedure before my surgery tomorrow – and I have to admit to not looking forward to it. We need a distraction, so head into the NGV to wander through the Escher x nendo Between Two Worlds exhibition. It’s a fabulous way to spend a few hours and provides all the distraction we need.
The procedure I have is to prepare for a sentinel node biopsy. Radioactive material is injected into my chest – it stings and then goes on hurting for a while – and after some time to allow the radioactive material to travel around a bit, a gamma camera helps identify the lymph nodes the radioactive material has travelled to. It’s so the surgeon knows which lymph nodes to remove and means she can remove fewer than if I don’t have this procedure.
It’s over in about 40 minutes and we head home to prepare for tomorrow. Not that there’s really much preparation I need to do but there’s a bag to pack, some functional fashion to talk with Deb, conversations to have with the kids, and an unexpected though completely lovely visit from my oldest friend Michelle and her daughter Grace who’d road-tripped from Sydney to be able to pop in to see me.
I sleep well, considering.
Tuesday 15 January
Tim and I arrive at the hospital at 7:20 and make our way to DOSA (Day of Surgery Admissions) on Level 2. I complete the bits of paperwork still outstanding, pay the excess fee, tie a name tag onto my bag and am invited to take a seat in the waiting area. It’s already filling up – mostly women, mostly older than me, mostly with female companions, mostly looking as though they’re trying hard to keep calm.
My name is called and Tim and I follow Wendy into the next waiting area. Wendy propels me into a cubicle, lays out knickers (the comfiest ones I’ve ever worn), socks (orange with non-slip dots), a gown (the opening at the back please), a dressing gown and a large brown paper bag to put my own clothes and shoes into. I change and Wendy puts my bag into a locker indicating there’ll be a bit more of a wait. A young pharmacist comes to ask about my medications and I feel a bit out of place as all the others waiting for surgery are handing over boxes and boxes of medications and I have none to mention, apart from Vitamin D says Tim, three each day (I am very deficient!).
Wendy returns and we follow her into an office where I mostly answer ‘no’ to her questions: diabetes? blood pressure? heart problems? stroke? liver disease? on and on …
She rolls white compression tights up my legs to my knees, wraps some tape around my wedding ring, puts a name tag on my glasses and assures me it won’t be too much longer. We head back to the waiting area and before too long Maria calls my name, suggests a visit to the loo, then leads us to a bed in a curtained cubicle.
Maria wraps stiff white ‘sequentials’ around my legs and hooks them up to a machine. They fill with air and massage my legs – one leg at a time – helping to prevent DVT. She also puts a bear hug blanket on me and hooks up the machine so it blows warm air over me. It’s good for keeping veins open and so is useful for surgery. She puts a white hat on me – the type worn in the food industry – and my outfit is complete.
I am calm, my hands crossed loosely over my tummy. Jenny, the anaesthetist’s assistant introduces herself to us, and goes through some more information, asking if I’ve eaten or drunk anything since midnight (no, but I could go a cup of tea right about now). She doesn’t offer one, just unplugs the warm air blower, tells Tim it’s time to kiss me goodbye and wheels me down white corridors until we come to a waiting room outside the operating theatre.
We chat for a while, the cold starting to creep through the blankets piled on me, and eventually Jenny heads into the theatre leaving me alone for the first time. I hear someone call out to Sage and her name is called so often I imagine they’re having trouble waking her, or that she’s waking up in a way that is not ideal. I decide I don’t want to be here.
The surgeon’s assistant comes in and introduces herself to me – the only one of the team not named Penny or Jenny – and then Jenny, the surgeon, comes in to make sure I’m clear about what’s happening. She draws on my breast, just to make sure she has the right one, and tells me it won’t be too long now. After she leaves, I suppress the urge to jump off the table and slink away. I slow my breathing and try to quiet my mind.
Finally, Penny, the anaesthetist, comes in, asks about my previous history of general anaesthetic (once, 30-something years ago), and proceeds to find a vein on the back of my right hand. The cannula goes in easily and relatively painlessly, and I’m wheeled into the operating theatre. I decide I don’t need to see what it looks like, so keep my eyes closed. I’m instructed to shimmy over to the other bed, and manage to do that while keeping my eyes mostly shut.
As I lie there I begin to shake – a combination of cold and nerves. Again, I try to slow my breathing and quieten my mind but it’s getting more and more difficult. I just want to go home.
Assistant Jenny places a mask over my mouth and nose while Penny floods my vein with something. They keep talking to me, telling me they’ll take good care of me, that it’ll be fine and I lie there thinking ‘it’s not working. I’m still awake. Please don’t start yet. I can still hear you.’
Someone gently calls my name and asks me to open my eyes so she knows I’m awake. I flutter them open, then close them again, wanting to go back to sleep. Do you have any pain? Yes, I manage, not sure if I say yes or just nod. I am heavy with sleep and lie still, wanting desperately to return to sleep. Any pain? Yes. I doze some more. Any pain? Yes. Out of 10? Eight. I swallow the pill they give me.
Time whirls past and the weight of sleep slowly eases. I am wheeled to a ward where Tim and Deb are waiting for me.
I admit to not remembering much of the afternoon although I do remember Alison’s visit. She perches on the edge of the bed and makes inappropriate conversation, lightening the mood.
Nurse Charlene comes in to administer IV antibiotics. It’s more painful than anything else I’ve experienced over the last few days. Painful isn’t really the right word. Excruciating is more like it. At midnight another nurse comes in to administer the next dose. The cannula is blocked and flushing it is not a pleasant experience. Liquid runs over my hand and I’m not convinced the antibiotic makes it into my vein. She re-bandages it, and leaves me to go back to sleep.
Wednesday 16 January
Obs. All good.
Breakfast. A bowl of porridge.
Jenny, the surgeon, checks on me and inspects my bandages. All good. Sutures will come out next Tuesday.
Nurse Charlene is back to administer the final dose of IV antibiotics. I cannot handle the pain of the flushing and she says she’ll have to move the cannula to be able to administer the antibiotic. My face screws up with the pain, and she hurries out to find the doctor. Minutes later she’s back and removes the cannula. Apparently, I don’t need the final dose.
Bronwyn, the breast care nurse, pops in to give me some information and a cushion – an important item for my recovery.
Sarah, the physio, provides me with an exercise schedule and stresses the importance of listening to my body over the next few weeks.
Tim has arrived so there’s nothing else for it but to get dressed and go home.
All that’s left to deal with this week is recovering from surgery. That’s easy with the amount of support I have. What’s tough is ensuring I go easy on myself and not rush too quickly to doing things.
Thanks for all the good wishes and messages of support. It means a lot!